Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
