I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
