When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
