Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
