I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Still dying that you shit outside
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
