he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
