fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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