god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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