i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
