I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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