Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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