My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
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I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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