I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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