my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
worst night to have a conscience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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