I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
