it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
