you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
