I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Randomize
