My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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