No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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