My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
