sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
