my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
