That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
