So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
