I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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