Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
