I wish they made helmets for livers.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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