We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
