we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
