smell my finger.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
