He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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