So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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