Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
