The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ugly people sure do ruin things
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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