why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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