I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
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I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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