I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
