i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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