Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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