I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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