I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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