why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
