this beer tastes like vomit already
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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