I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
