I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
