this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
