Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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