"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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