This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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