She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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