he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize