I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
