She's JV to your varsity
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
