Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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