This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it because I queefed?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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