Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
