I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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