Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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