Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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