Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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