The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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