see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
